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Hi friends. It’s been a couple months since I shared an update post. That isn’t uncommon when construction is in a phase where lots of work happens but nothing really shows for it. We however, had just gotten to the part where we were getting ready for drywall and I thought I’d be showing you an “almost ready to move in” post by now. Life happens though, and boy did life really throw us a curve ball.

On March 2, we found out that our mom had a very advanced, aggressive tumor in her brain. (glioblastoma) Julie and I immediately purchased flights to go to Idaho the next day. We closed up the building and told all our helpers that we’d be gone indefinitely. We wanted to spend as much time with mom and our family as we could before the tumor took her from us. We expected/hoped for a couple weeks.

Every day was filled with whatever would bring her joy: music, family, games, family… She had lots of visitors because EVERYONE loved my mom. People came from far and wide to visit with Mom and Dad, tell stories and get one last hug. We celebrated all the holidays for the year and threw in some extra “talent shows” and even a pajama party. She loved her family SO much. Her whole countenance would light up when someone else came through the door.

Mom kept saying, “today was another best day ever”!

Pajama Party: Not everyone came in pajamas but Mom, Julie and I rocked ours, pigtails and all!

Over the weeks, she took more naps and we had smaller, scheduled visits rather than big parties! One night we had a little dance party. Mom and dad mostly watched us try to learn how to do some Swing moves and trip over ourselves attempting to “line dance”. Mom asked us to find “The Last Dance” and we went through several versions of the wrong song before we found what she was looking for. She and Dad had their last dance that night.

This December would be their 60 anniversary.

We got five wonderful weeks with mom. She passed away peacefully on April 6.

Dad, me and my 8 surviving siblings: Rollin, Gene, Julie, Bo, Sid, Cindy Jodi, Jenny

I wanted to write more about what a wonderful woman she was; so accomplished, talented, unselfish, loving and HAPPY. I wanted to write about all the ways she and Dad helped shape the person I am today. But it’s too hard.

I’m really grateful that I had the ability to drop everything and go spend that time with my mom and family. Those are cherished memories.

Now I’m back in Tennessee and getting the B&B reno back on track. I’m doing pretty well. I have sad moments/days but I try not to let myself get stuck there. Sometimes I have to force myself to laugh out loud for ten full seconds. It’s something Mom taught us. (It is best to warn those around you before you begin. They tend to look your way- very concerned!) 🙂

Onward and upward.

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Comments

  1. Ah, sweet girl, it’s not easy losing our moms (mine when I was 22) and dads. Grief is a journey no one wants, but sooner or later we all travel. Grief looks different for everyone and there’s no ETA on the journey once started. You’ve got a good start. BIG HUG! Love the laugh for 10 minutes!

    • I’m so sorry for your loss Sandra. May God give you the strength to get through this valley.

    • Guerrina I’m so sorry you lost your mom so early in life. Thank you for the hug and kind words.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss! You are pretty fortunate to have spent her last days with her and your loved ones. May your mother’s memory be for a blessing always!

    • I am so very sorry ! Losing your Mom is one of the worst things ever. Keep your memories close. ❤️

  3. Thanks for sharing we all have to go through this but it is always a shock and a hard time to recuperate. My God give you the strength you need in the days ahead Amen!

    • Thank you Earl. Though we’re getting to the age where we know we’re going to start losing our parents, it doesn’t make it any easier when it happens. Thank you for your prayers.

  4. Sending warm thoughts and prayers to you and yours. You’ve a very big heart and soul. We’ve no doubt you’ll overcome this and be an even better than you was before.

    • Thank you Tim. I just need to follow my dad’s example and stay really busy. 🙂

  6. I so understand. Lost my mom in 1987, a year after I had moved away. I was so fortunate that I got an extra visit during the Work Figure Skating Chamionships in Cincinnati that year. Sending you prayers for strength and peace. May your many, many memories sustain you as you walk this path.

    • So glad that you got that visit with your mom before she passed. Thank you so much for your words.

  7. I don’t normally write comments but followed your blog this year because I’m interested in building things. I was surprised to see a post and even more surprised to see your news.

    Thank you for reverberating that it’s important to live in the now. I’m a widow and dropped everything when my husband got cancer. We lived every day in the moment and for that I’ll never have a regret.
    When he passed away, I never pushed away the inclination to cry – it’s natural and grief is a very long winded thing.

    Bless you, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you get back to the things that make you happiest and applaud you for taking time to be current in your life. It’s an inspiration 💗

    • Becca I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your husband. That’s a hurt I can’t even imagine! Your words about grief and living each moment are so important. Thank you.

  8. Awww. I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you got those moments with your mom. Keep the memories close to treasure forever. You were able to have some very special times with her! She sounds like a wonderful, loving woman, and I know you miss her desperately. It is so hard to lose your momma, and you just can’t quite empathize until it has happened to you. You think you know, but you don’t, really.
    I’m sorry, and it is empty words to say it gets better, because it really doesn’t. It just becomes a softer version of the grief.
    “Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.”
    “Sometimes Memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks.” Whatever you need to do, please do.

    • Thank you so much for your thoughtful and sweet words. They touched my heart, immensely. Memories are sneaking out of my eyes. 🙂

  11. May she rest in peace. It seems like she deserves it. God Bless and bring you comfort and peace.

  12. Forcing yourself to laugh for ten seconds. This is something that will live with me forever.

    • It’s not always something I can do but, when possible, it’s amazing how it can make me feel better.

  13. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your beloved mother. I lost my husband to glioblastoma almost 16 years ago. It was fast and furious. I am so glad that you and your sister were able to be with her and create some additional memories. She was so fortunate to be surrounded by those she loved and who loved her; I am sure it meant everything to her and your Dad. My heart aches for you and especially for your Dad – 60 years living and sharing with someone is a hard habit to break. Blessing to you all.

    • My heart aches for Dad too. I’m so sorry you lost your husband. I can’t even imagine. I know having all of her children there meant the world to mom and I’m so glad we were all able to be there. The memories will live on…

  14. My condolences too you in your family, take your time getting back to work. Just think she in very good hands know, stay strong

    • We all told her to give our brothers hugs for us when she got there. The thought of my two brothers waiting for her was such a blessing. Made it easier when she left.

  15. I lost my mom a few years ago, I am so sorry for your loss –

  16. My condolences to you and your family. Glad you had time to spend with your Mom and have so much more to add to the memory bank. I am sure your mom was proud of you.

  17. I am so sorry for your loss. Especially as the first Mother’s Day approaches.
    No matter the gender of the child, there is nothing like the bond between a mother and child. I believe it has something to do with the 9 months before birth that makes that bond so special, and no matter how many talks through the belly, or tummy rubs can change that bond.
    I believe the first year is the toughest as you experience all the first without your mother. There will be moments that you catch yourself reaching for the phone because you want to tell her something special, funny, irritating, or just hear her voice. Those times will eventually fade, and the pain will subside. (It never goes away, and when you least expect it you find the wound wide open again.) After a time has past, I hope you will find yourself talking to her. It will keep her close, and I whole heartedly believe that their body may be gone, but their spirt is here and listening.
    One last thing, when the time is right (and only you will know) remember to tell stories about things she did, how she would take time to teach you something, something that she loved, etc. It keeps them close, and as long as someone remembers them, they never totally go away.
    Again, I am sorry for your loss, but so happy you loved her so much as to know the short time she had left was worth putting your life on hold.
    Sincerely,
    suZ

    • Oh Suzan your words touched my heart so deeply! I look forward to the day I can talk about her without tears blocking my throat. Or ever think about her… I AM so grateful for the magical time we got to spend with her and all our family. I know those memories will someday be happy without the accompanying sadness.

  18. Dear Sawdustgirl,
    I am so sorry to hear about your family’s lost. It was good to hear you had time to spend together.
    I hope you and your family know shes in a good place.
    Have a blessed day!
    Drew

    • Thank you Drew. We do believe she is reunited with her sons, parents and brother who passed before her. It is comforting to think of her in that way.

  20. My thoughts are with you. It’s a tough time for you. My mom died in 2006 and thankfully I only have happy thoughts now.

  21. I am so sorry that you lost your mother but so happy you and your sister were able to spend time with her and have fun. Love and prayers to you!!

  22. So sorry to hear about your loss. Your words are an amazing gift for those who knew (and didn’t know) her. Blessings to you.

  23. Your post touched my heart. I’m so sorry to read about your mum, it’s hard when you lose someone (I lost dad in October last year and due to Covid could not see him). Loved reading about those cherished moments and going to take on board the suggestion of a good belly laugh – I just won’t warn anyone 💕😁

    • Caron I’m so sorry you lost your dad AND didn’t get to see him! That is such a heartbreaking situation. I hope you have wonderful memories to think of. Also I LOVE that you aren’t going to warn anyone about the belly laugh!

  24. I am so sorry. Losing my mom was heartbreaking. Now , 11 years later, I still have days of sadness but mostly relish in all the love I had. I miss her a lot. I truly adored my mother. But I am so glad I had her for 50 years. My heart is full. So will yours be.

    • Glad your hurt has lessened. I’m so grateful that she had 80 good years and that we always had a house full of love. Still miss her though. But I know that’s ok and that missing her will feel different as the years pass.

  25. My deepest sympathies for you and family. How bless you were to have such an incredible Mom.

  26. You and your siblings are awesome for making the effort to spend as much time as possible with your mom.
    Good job to you all and enjoy the happy memories, they will help you get through the hurt!

    • Thank you Kurt. I was my honor to help care for her in those last weeks and my pleasure to be with her for all 5.

  27. Hi Sandra,
    I’m sincerely sorry for your loss. I lost my father last June unexpectedly. My siblings and I all came together in Northern Ca to paint his house as it desperately needed it. As we spent the weekend painting the house and each other, he sat in his chair and slept. He would awaken to survey what we had accomplished, smile really big and thank us all. I, too come from a large family. 8 kids and 6 of us were there to paint along with our spouses and his grandchildren. We actually had people stopping asking for our business card and wanting us to come paint their house! We painted his house in May of 2020 (despite the severe lock downs in California) and I’m so very thankful that we did as none of could have known that we would loose him a little more than a month later. You have your beautiful memories of your time with your mom as I have mine of my dad standing on his front porch of his newly painted house smiling from ear to ear. Looking back, I think he knew he was not well. That he got to see his children prior to leaving this world and that we got to see him was truly an unknown blessing. Cherish your memories as I believe grieving her lost presence honors her precious memory and all that she meant to so many.

    • Oh my gosh I’m so glad you all got to spend that time with him! And I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the sweet words.

  28. So so glad you got to spend such amazing days with your mom as well your other family. We should all learn not to let life get in the way of important relationships. What a smile your mom had!!!

    • She sure did! And a laugh to brighten the world around her. (And she was quite a prankster so that was always fun!)

  29. I had been looking forward to the next update….. but that was more beautiful and awe inspiring than a mere building. This was the building of life and family. The wood of legacy, the giving and passing of a life well lived carried on in you. Thank you. Thank you for such incredible raw heart beautiful words.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words of love and support. I am so grateful for such a wonderful community that supports me through the projects and through life.

  30. Thanks for this and for alerting us at the time you had to shut things down. It was such a blessing that you and Julie were both able to go and experience saying goodbye, though I know it was so, so hard at times. Move forward gently and softly and give yourself space and time when you need it. And really pound the hell out of some nails.

  32. As I scroll thru the comments made in the many posts here, I find they express what I feel for your loss. My mother passed not long ago, I understand your sorrow, I am so sorry for your loss. You have beautiful memories and a wonderful family.
    My prayers are with you and your family.

  34. i’m so sorry for your loss. i also lost my mom last july to covid. never had the chance to say goodbye. i’m glad you had the chance to make more wonderful memories to have and to pass on to your daughter. cherish them and she’ll never be gone from your side.

    • Oh Sharon I’m so sorry. The thought of not being able to hug her or say goodbye just breaks my heart. I hope you have wonderful memories that you can draw from to help ease the pain of your loss and get you through these hard times.

  35. Oh Sandra, my heart aches for you and your siblings and your father. This post is a lovely tribute to your mom, who clearly was a wonderful person. Your mother will forever live in your heart and the hearts of those who were privileged to love her. May the memories of love soon outweigh the grief of loss.

    • Thank you so much. I’m so sad for my dad too. It breaks my heart but he’s the strongest man I know. He’ll take it day by day and keep busy until he reunites with her.

  36. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mother.
    It’s strange, I just started following you recently and this was the first email I received for your newest blog post. When I saw that your mom had passed of a glioblastoma memories came flooding back for me. I lost my mother 22 1/2 years ago to a glioblastoma multiform (the worst of the worst). My mom lost her vision as her tumor progressed. It became difficult for her to see friends but she was energized by her family. Those moments of love and laughter and even those serious discussions brought her peace as it did for us too. I’m glad you had to opportunity to spend those last days with your mother. I was fortunate to have done the same. The legacy of love your mother and my mother left behind is shown in the love and caring that each of their family members shares with others. Although I was 35 when my mother passed I wasn’t prepared for it. The pain immediately following was raw and difficult. Two years after she passed I had my daughter, I regret not being able to share that experience with her, I mourned her all over again. I see similarities in my daughter that my mom had (that I don’t have) – looks, habits, mannerisms. It brings me so much joy. – – I hope that you and your family are comforted knowing that the love and joy you shared with her was a huge comfort for her. I pray that her legacy of love continues with you and your family and you find comfort in the joyful memories you shared. Praying for you and your family to be comforted with peace, love and wonderful memories you made with your precious mother.

    • Thank you so much for your comforting words and for sharing your story of loss with me. I think you can never be prepared really. I am so grateful for the magical time we got to spend as a family during that 5 weeks. I’m sure there will be many years that it will be really hard at times. Just got to get through it. Onward and upward…

  37. Oh I am so sorry for your loss. How wonderful you got warning and you made the most of it. Such wonderful memories for when the grief lessens.

  38. Very sorry for your loss. I’m so glad you got to spend some family time together and that she was able to move on with peace and ease. Take care of yourself and laugh as much as you can. <3

    • Thanks so much. I’m taking time. Working when I feel motivated and allowing myself to have days that I just feel sad and don’t work. Hope those get fewer and farther in between.

  39. I lost my mother to the same kind of brain tumor in 1996. I sat in her hospital room at Grady Hospital and saw the fireworks from the 1996 Olympics outside the window, She found out about the tumor in July and died in September. The first symptom she notice was a difficulty finding words. The problem with brain tumors is by the time you know something is wrong they are fairly advanced.

    It does get better. People are right when they say it takes at least a year. You have to go through all the milestones, all the holidays and each anniversary, Eventually the grief fades, but the memories remain. She will always be with you.

    • I’m so sorry for you loss Susan. Fireworks…reminds me of the first “talent show” we had an my brother, Gene had a surprise for us (mostly Mom because he didn’t know if she’d be here for the 4th of July). He had us shut of all the lights and look out at the river. He stood on the dock and did a little firework show over the water. It was magical!

  40. Honey be thankful God granted you this special time with your mom and the wisdom to use it. Be careful and do not take on too many projects at once because it may allows you an escape from missing your love one . Know your are not alone . Take care I remember that it was not too long ago that you had the virus and before that a problem with your back . So glad to hear from you i will admit i became concerned about you when i did not find your post. So sorry about your mom . I like your projects . As a do it yourself person you are doing well .

    • I am very grateful. What a blessing that she had those falls so she got that MRI… And yes, it HAS been quite a year so far! 🙂 But I feel good today. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. It’s a beautiful day! (As my mom said almost every day.)

  41. My own daughter looked over at me the other day and asked if I was laughing or crying. I was like, “both”. It was messy. lol

  42. God bless your Mom, you and your family! I’m so glad you were able to spend such wonderful, quality time with her, because those are precious memories forever. Our dear friend recently passed from Glioblastoma and so I know the disease. I’m so sorry and I have shed a tear for you!

  43. I lost my father to a glioblastoma in 2009. It was three years of hell — I almost passed in 2007, my mom in 2008 and my dad in 2009. I am so glad that I was able to drop everything and care for my dad after his diagnosis. It was the hardest thing I have EVER done, but also, the most REWARDING!!

    {{{{{hugs}}}}} My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

  44. Sandra,
    What a gift, albeit in tragic circumstances, those last weeks sound like. I hope the time comes soon when you can smile instead of cry when you think of your mom. My thoughts and prayers continue for you, your dad, and while family.

  45. Hi there,
    I just found your blog while searching for map drawers…haven’t explored much yet but came across this one about your Mom. My heart goes out to you and your family…my Dad died after a fall and spent a horrendous 10 days in the hospital not really knowing who we were. He and my mother were also married 60 years in the August before he passed. He was lucky to see 2 great grandchildren but missed the next two. He missed COVID! There isn’t a day that my mother and I don’t miss him but it does get easier to live with the gap,loss, hole that they leave behind. We now laugh at the funny memories and still talk to him daily. God bless.

    • Thanks so much. It’s only bee a couple months and I find myself laughing and then crying within minutes of thinking of a memory. I’m sure it will get easier with time. Thank you for your kind words.

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